Dad Talk: 6

Last week was fun.

Not.

So dad had his 2nd chemo cycle last Tuesday. On Monday was his routine check-up as the doctor needs to be sure my dad’s doing ok before going for the chemo. Once again, I failed to be patient with my dad, who downplayed his vomiting/in-various-pain episodes before the doc. I kept having to contradict him, and the doc was just nodding away and it seemed whatever input we told him was not making much impression on him.

Perhaps it doesn’t, cuz y’know, he’s a doctor and whatever suffering and emotional roller coaster ride my dad and we as a family had to deal with was just really part of the expected whole she-bang and he’s used to it. Still… bleh!

Anyways, after we left the doc’s room, I was weirdly upset with my dad. At the back of my mind I knew I was over-reacting but I failed to exercise patient and snapped to my dad that he should just go for his appointment alone next time since he doesn’t need me to relay his condition to the doc.

Yup, daughter of the year award is so not going to me.

That night, after work, I was in the my parents’ bedroom and I was complaining to my mum about dad. Then he said to my mum he cried when I told him to go alone next time. I thought he was joking so I was like, ‘don’t bluff, you didn’t cry’. Then he said, ‘I cried in my heart.’ Yep, biggest jerk ever -> me. Allah said to be ihsan (the best/epitome of perfection) to your parents and I hurt my dad’s feelings. So I apologized to him; whether he was joking or not, that matters little to me. I don’t know why it’s so difficult for me to be patient with my parents. *sigh*

Then two days after chemo, i.e. on Thurs, he came down with high fever and complained of chest pain. These are some of the symptoms we’ve been warned that warrants a visit to the A&E. And Thursday was SUPER BUSY DAY at work because we had to rush out documents which require a return reply within two working days. Stressed out, much? So me, my sis and mum rushed to the A&E with dad and I was telling my boss I don’t know if I’ll be in half day or not at all (depends on whether my dad needs to be held back). Then boss panicked cuz SUPER URGENT documents need to go out by that day and asked if I could rush back A.S.A.I.Can. and apologized having to rush me.

*sigh* Anyways to make long story short, I was out of the house by 7.30am, arrived at A&E about 8-ish, and by 11am, I was on my way to work, after doc concluded that dad just needed to be on antibiotic drip and then he could go home. Had to leave him alone with my mum, who’s not too strong herself (sis left for work also at 10am). Arrived at office and faced with towering stacks of files, I was so overwhelmed by the stress that I cried. Just a bit, nothing too dramatic. Alhamdulillah, after that, I felt a little better (growing up I hated being called a crybaby but I find that crying eases me so much) and with a prayer for Him to ease my affairs and help me see through the day, I managed to complete my work and go back at 6pm sharp.

That night, I got a surprise bouquet delivery from my best friend. I felt bad cuz in my previous post, I said I kinda felt like I had little support. I still do feel that way, but at least now I know she cares enough about me even though she’s not necessarily there for me.

The whole of last week was mentally and physically draining for me and my family. The chemo this time round is more potent than before as the dosage was increased as the bone cancer was to be dealt with this time round (dad has both lung and bone cancer). So he’s more in pain than usual, can’t eat, groaning and moaning like almost every single hour, constantly on pain killers and having medicated oil rubbed onto his body day and night.

This continued till earlier this week, but since yesterday, mum reported he’s able to eat more now and there’s less complaining of pain and ache. He’s due to start work next Wednesday, so we don’t know how he’ll survive that. All we can do now is pray.

 

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