Post which has no title…

Wow, I’d thought it’d be easy to keep a blog in which I could just write whatever I’m feeling, wherever, whenever. Turns out not quite. Oh, well…

Anyways, dad is doing fine these few days. He started work yesterday. Previously, he’d told his colleagues/friends he was suffering from Stage I cancer. On the day of the second chemo, mum secretly called one of his friends and told him the truth: that dad doesn’t know he’s actually suffering from Stage IV lung cancer. So that friend was told to keep it a secret and to help keep an eye on dad when he returns to work. So yesterday, bless that friend and other colleagues and even his supervisor, dad was confined to the desk. He didn’t do any work, just slept a bit and walked around the area (he works at the power station). He said he felt dizzy after that, so perhaps it’s a good move that he’s given time to get his bearings. He didn’t eat lunch, because he couldn’t bring himself to eat anything from the canteen and only had pineapples (thereafter complaining at night about tummy ache, sigh).

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Dad Talk: 6

Last week was fun.

Not.

So dad had his 2nd chemo cycle last Tuesday. On Monday was his routine check-up as the doctor needs to be sure my dad’s doing ok before going for the chemo. Once again, I failed to be patient with my dad, who downplayed his vomiting/in-various-pain episodes before the doc. I kept having to contradict him, and the doc was just nodding away and it seemed whatever input we told him was not making much impression on him.

Perhaps it doesn’t, cuz y’know, he’s a doctor and whatever suffering and emotional roller coaster ride my dad and we as a family had to deal with was just really part of the expected whole she-bang and he’s used to it. Still… bleh!

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Dad Talk: 5

I’m feeling very emotionally drained today. Since two days ago, Dad has been complaining of pain and body aches. He was doing quite well (refer to post 4) and this Tuesday is his second chemo treatment… now suddenly he’s back into this dreadful pain cycle. Today was the worst; he’s been complaining of pain since morning. He’s barely able to eat as food’s started to taste bitter again. He kept asking my brother and me to rub oil on his back and massage him. He’s been taking painkillers every 8 hours since yesterday and just now, at 9 pm, he wanted to take the tablets again but he last took them at 4 pm. He kept groaning and moaning and hitting his head because the pain’s got to there as well.

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Dad Talk: 4

Dad’s doing good these few days, alhamdulillah. He’s been eating more than usual, although of course, not quite enough to meet his daily calorie intake.

Still, it’s a huge improvement for us to see! He’s been eating fruits too, and that’s also good for the rest of us. Before his diagnose, we rarely eat fruits. Now, it’s a daily snack after dinner for us.

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Dad Talk: 3

Today I left for work worried and helpless. Dad was in another bout of pain; he vomited the tea he had for breakfast this morning and his body was aching terribly. He said it feels like his back muscles/nerves are tangled, causing him much pain.

I could only rub his back. I was already running late for work. Thankfully, little sis is not working today, so I dragged her out of bed and told her to keep an eye on dad: massage his back, keep him company till he can fall asleep again.

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Of broccoli failure, lunch achievement and Dad Talk: 2

Made roasted broccoli yesterday. Cut the broccoli into its florets, coated with canola oil, seasoned with salt and pepper and popped into oven. After the florets turned brown and a kind of nice baked – albeit veggie – aroma filled the air, took them out and tossed with lemon juice and parmesan cheese. And proceeded to sample one…

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Dad Talk: 1

So change of plans. Going out for dinner. Riding in the car now, and dad is complaining of chest pain. Just now while waiting for bro to get the car, he vomited a few times.

Feeling quite helpless watching him deal with his pain. He’s not been out much but for his body to function properly, we need to bring him out once in a while. Bit of course he’s got to have a face mask on and plastic bag in hand for his vomit.

Not sure if his chemo is working or not. Doesn’t seem to have much change before and after. Sigh…

Love you, dad!